A Not Religious Prayer

Dear God,

I’m not religious, but what am I supposed to do? I’ve been praying for a miracle, but instead I end up trapping myself.

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Yeah I know I’m in a relationship that I had begged for each night since seventh grade but depressive episodes make handling another person’s feelings ten times more difficult. Bedtime wishes for a boyfriend doesn’t mean that I can’t struggle once that’s obtained, it doesn’t go hand in hand. I mean, I like him. His smile always seems so familiar and when I would see his messages they’d make me so happy that Father Time gave up on telling me when I should go to bed.

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Did I say would? Shit, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean that. It wasn’t intended to be phrased so it would be in the past tense. It's just right now I’ve been getting so overwhelmed that answering his calls seems like hell on Earth. That might’ve been offensive to you…sorry.

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I’ll pay for that later. How am I supposed to think straight when I’m so overwhelmed? Not like straight as in straight or gay but as in a clear thinking path. That got a bit out of hand.

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What? Repeat that.

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No! You know me, I’m NOT a lesbian. I’ve liked so many guys… Zach, Leo, and Léo, who are all assholes. Adrian too, I was down bad for that man for three years. Yeesh. Of course, I like my boyfriend too. Boyfriend is such a weird word. It always gets stuck in my throat and I have to forcibly unclog it to get myself to actually say it out loud. Can you not tell him I said that? Thanks.